Topic for teenager to talk about

Difficult conversations cover any topic that might be embarrassing, upsetting or controversial for either you or your child. It could also be something that might cause an argument or a conflict between the two of you.

Sex, sexual orientation, masturbation, alcohol or other drugs, academic difficulties, self-harm, secrets, work and money are all topics that families can find difficult to talk about.

If you’re prepared, it can help you feel more confident and comfortable to tackle difficult conversations.

Preparing for difficult conversations with pre-teens and teenagers

There are no scripts for difficult conversations and tricky topics.

But it’s a good idea to think about these topics before your child asks. If you work out a few key points about sex, alcohol, parties and so on beforehand – and even practise them – you’ll be ready when your child asks a tricky question about sex while you’re driving!

And when you’ve had a chance to think about these topics, it’s also a good idea to raise them before your child asks, so your child knows they can talk to you. For example, early conversations about things like sexting can help your child stay safe.

Managing difficult conversations with pre-teens and teenagers

First reactions

• Try to stay calm. Be honest if you’re shocked by the topic, but reassure your child that you do want to discuss the issue. This can help your child feel they can talk to you about anything.
• Make sure the first thing you say to your child is something that lets them know you’re happy that they want to talk to you. For example, ‘I’m so happy that you trust me to help you with this’ or ‘Thank you for coming to me about this’.
• Listen to your child. This means giving your child a chance to talk through what’s going on, without you trying to fix the situation. Often, teenagers aren’t expecting you to fix things – they just want you to listen.
• Avoid being critical or judgmental, or getting emotional. If you need to let off steam, choose another adult to talk to when your child isn’t around.

Next steps

• If you need a bit of time to calm down or gather your thoughts before you talk, set a time to talk later. Make sure it’s soon – don’t wait until the next day. Your child might go ahead without your input in the meantime.
• If your child has some specific issues they want your help with and you’re not sure how to advise them, say so. Offer to work with your child to find out what they need to know – for example, about contraception, sexuality, alcohol and so on.
• If your child wants your help with a tricky situation, try guiding your child through a problem-solving approach. This can help your child learn to find solutions or make decisions themselves. You could offer to talk with your child after they put the solution or decision into action.
• If your child wants your opinion, let your child know how you see the situation rather than telling them what to do. For example, ‘I would prefer it if you don’t have sex until you’re older. But if you’re going to, let’s talk about making sure it’s safe’.

Your child is becoming an independent young person with their own beliefs, values and opinions. There’ll be times when you and your child have different opinions about tricky topics. That’s OK. This gives you both the chance to hear and respect new perspectives.

When pre-teens and teenagers won’t have difficult conversations

It’s common for teenagers to avoid talking about embarrassing or upsetting topics, especially if you raise them first. Sometimes you might not even realise a topic is upsetting or embarrassing until you raise it.

If your child doesn’t want to have difficult conversations with you, you could try the following:

• Try to set aside some time each day to talk with your child. Ask your child open-ended questions, and let them know that if they do want to talk, you’re happy to listen. This will help you stay connected with your child and might help them feel more comfortable to come to you in future.
• Keep up to date with your child’s interests. This gives you things to talk about and shows that you’re interested in your child’s wellbeing.
• Try communicating in a different way. Teenagers often like to communicate through chat and text messages. Your child might find it easier to talk about tricky topics this way.
• If your child won’t talk to you, suggest other adults they could talk to, like a relative, teacher, counsellor or neighbour. But tell your child that you’re happy to listen any time they want to talk to you.

Benefits of difficult conversations

Tackling difficult conversations together with your child is a sign that you have a healthy relationship.

It helps to keep your relationship with your child close and trusting. If you’re warm, accepting, non-judgmental and uncritical, and also open to negotiating and setting limits, your child is likely to feel more connected to you. Your child is also more likely to discuss issues with you in the future.

And if you know what’s going on in your child’s life, you’re better placed to help them manage difficult situations. Discussing tricky topics with you gives your child the opportunity to explore their choices and work out whether they’re the right ones for them.

Try not to avoid difficult conversations with your child. If you do, your child might end up making choices that have negative consequences. For example, a sexually active teenager who doesn’t ask for advice about contraception might end up with an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection.

Tricky topics to discuss with pre-teens & teenagers

Alcohol and other drugs
Teenage alcohol and other drug use: how to help

Media and social media

Mental health

Relationships, sex and sexuality

School and social life

How was school today?

Good.

What did you do?

Not much.

Sound familiar? They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Yet how many of us ask our teens exactly the same questions, day after day - and still hope that, this time, we’ll actually start a conversation? 

Some US high school students took pity on their parents, and recently set about generating 100 questions that might elicit more than monosyllables. 

They range from the slightly scary ("How would you describe my parenting style?") to the somewhat whimsical ("Do you believe in aliens?") to the downright dangerous ("What do you think of my hairstyle?").

Here they are in full. Be brave!

1. What are the different cliques or social groups in your school and which one, if any, are you in?
2. Do you have a celebrity crush?
3. What is the coolest app that I don’t have on my phone?
4. What is the most embarrassing thing that I do?
5. Who do you eat lunch with at school?
6. How would you describe my parenting style?
7. What bands are you listening to these days?
8. Can you play me one of their best songs?
9. Who would you say is your best friend right now?
10. Where would be an awesome place to go for a family vacation?
11. What do you think of President Trump?
12. What do you think of my hair style?
13. Did I ever tell you about how I met your (mother, father)?
14. Who is your favourite and least favourite teacher this year?
15. Which shows are you watching right now? 
16. Any of those shows you’d recommend for me?
17. Do you think aliens exist?
18. How male or female do you feel inside as you get older?
19. Is there anything you would like to learn how to do?
20. Have there been any books that you had to read this year that you really liked?
21. How would you describe your personality?
22. How would you describe my personality (or the other parent)?
23. Is bullying a problem at your school?
24. Is drug and alcohol use a big thing at your school?
25. What is the one thing you don’t know about me that you want to know?
26. What are some of the first things that you remember?
27. Which holidays do you really like and why?
28. Which holiday do you wish never existed?
29. What look are your going for when you get dressed?
30. How long do you want to live?
31. What would you say were the most important moments of your life so far?
32. What would you wish I might do differently as a parent?
33. If you could someday drive any car or truck you want, what would it be?
34. Do you believe in God?
35. What would you say are your all-time favorite movies so far?
36. What do you wish you were more motivated to do?
37. When you get older, will you vote as a republican, democrat, or independent?
38. Are there any quotes from movies, songs, or books that you’ve heard and really like?
39. Are there parts of your body that you really like or dislike?
40. Do you think our family has enough money?
41. What were the most memorable family trips we’ve taken so far?
42. Which specific memories stand out from them?
43. What do you do and think when you see a homeless person?
44. Do you know anyone who you would say has an ideal marriage or relationship?
45. How do you think the world will eventually end?
46. What was the funniest thing that happened today?
47. What is the best and worst food that your school cafeteria serves?
48. Do you ever feel jealous about the family of any of your friends?
49. Which teacher at our school is the scariest?
50. Do you think we treat you and your siblings fairly?
51. Can you teach me how to text faster?
52. Are there any celebrities that people say you look like?
53. Which songs have been stuck in your head?
54. What bumper stickers have you seen that you really like?
55. Do you think millennials are really that different from other generations?
56. What are the best and worst things about having a smartphone?
57. What do you like to watch on YouTube?
58. Do you like your voice?
59. Do you think you want to get married one day?
60. How many kids, if any, do you think you might want some day?
61. What kind of a parent do you think you will be?
62. If we could move to a different neighbourhood or part of town, would you want to go?
63. How gross are your school bathrooms?
64. What thing about our house/apartment irritates you the most?
65. Are you looking forward to being an adult?
66. If you were allowed to get a tattoo, what would you get?
67. Do you think adults praise kids too much or not enough?
68. Do all these school shootings in the news make you feel unsafe at school?
69. What’s the one thing adults don’t get about teenagers?
70. What is your favourite snack food?
71. What should be the name of your generation?
72. What do you think is the best number of children to have?
73. If you wanted to have kids, what would you want to name them?
74. Are you more of a dog or cat person?
75. How’s your love life?
76. Do you have any enemies?
77. What would you do with a million (or billion) dollars?
78. Do you think teens have it easier or tougher compared to my generation?
79. What was the best part of your day today?
80. What was the worst part of your day today?
81. Where’s the first place you would want to go after getting your driver’s license?
82. Do you agree with the current legal age for drinking, smoking, and voting?
83. Did I ever tell you about my prom experiences?
84. Are you currently trying to lose or gain weight right now?
85. If two people like each other romantically, do you think someone still should ask before trying to kiss them?
86. How tall would you like to be, if you could choose?
87. Do kids your age still care about professional sports?
88. What do you think has been the hardest thing you have ever done?
89. What do you think the fourth dimension is?
90. What is the best (non-profanity) comeback to say to a bully?
91. Is it more awkward to address adults as Mr./Ms. or to use their first names?
92. If we had more money, how would you use it?
93. Do you wish we had pushed you harder or less hard to keep doing __________?
94. Are you satisfied with the number of friends that you have and quality of those friendships?
95. Do you think marijuana should be legal for people after a certain age?
96. If you had to be a mythical creature, what would you be?
97. What could I do to help you feel more supported?
98. What are the big things being talked about at school?
99. What were some of best holiday or birthday presents you ever received?
100. What’s a fun thing that we could do together?

(source: Psychology Today)