What is the best way to respond to a toddler who is having a temper tantrum Why?
Temper tantrums usually start at around 18 months and are very common in toddlers. Hitting and biting are common, too. Show
One reason for this is toddlers want to express themselves, but find it difficult. They feel frustrated, and the frustration comes out as a tantrum. Once a child can talk more, they're less likely to have tantrums. By the age of 4, tantrums are far less common. These ideas may help you cope with tantrums when they happen. Toddler tantrum tipsFind out why the tantrum is happeningYour child may have a tantrum because they're tired or hungry, in which case the solution could be simple. They could be feeling frustrated or jealous, maybe of another child. They may need time, attention and love, even though they're not being very loveable. Understand and accept your child's angerYou probably feel angry yourself at times, but unlike your child, you can express it in other ways. Find a distractionIf you think your child is starting a tantrum, find something to distract them with straight away. This could be something you can see out of the window. For example, you could say, "Look! A cat". Make yourself sound as surprised and interested as you can. Wait for it to stopLosing your temper or shouting back will not end the tantrum. Ignore the looks you get from people around you and concentrate on staying calm. Do not change your mindGiving in will not help in the long term. If you've said no, do not change your mind and say yes just to end the tantrum. Otherwise, your child will start to think tantrums can get them what they want. For the same reason, it does not help to bribe them with sweets or treats. If you're at home, try going into another room for a while. Make sure your child cannot hurt themselves first. Be prepared when you're out shoppingTantrums often happen in shops. This can be embarrassing, and embarrassment makes it harder to stay calm. Keep shopping trips as short as possible. Involve your child in the shopping by talking about what you need and letting them help you. Try holding your child firmly until the tantrum passesSome parents find firmly holding their child while they're having a tantrum helpful, but it can be hard to hold a struggling child. It usually works when your child is more upset than angry, and when you're feeling calm enough to talk to them gently and reassure them. Video: what's the best way to deal with tantrums? (18 to 30 months)This video looks at the best ways of dealing with tantrums. Media last reviewed: 2 March 2021 Hitting, biting, kicking and fightingMost young children occasionally bite, hit or push another child. Toddlers are curious and may not understand that biting or pulling hair hurts. This does not mean your child will grow up to be aggressive. Here are ways to teach your child that this behaviour is unacceptable. Do not hit, bite or kick backThis could make your child think it's acceptable to do this. Instead, make it clear that what they're doing hurts and you will not allow it. Talk to themChildren often go through phases of being upset or insecure and express their feelings by being aggressive. Finding out what's worrying them is the first step to being able to help. Show them you love them, but not their behaviourChildren may be behaving badly because they need more attention. Show them you love them by praising good behaviour and giving them plenty of cuddles when they're not behaving badly. Help them let their feelings out in another wayFind a big space, such as a park, and encourage your child to run and shout. Letting your child know that you recognise their feelings will make it easier for them to express themselves without hurting anyone else. You could try saying things like: "I know you're feeling angry about… ". As well as showing you recognise their frustration, it will help them be able to name their own feelings and think about them. You may feel exhausted and frustrated when your kid throws a tantrum, but temper tantrums are usually nothing to worry about. Children, especially toddlers, have temper tantrums as part of their normal development. Children often outgrow tantrums by the time they enter preschool, at around 4 years old.
What is a temper tantrum?A temper tantrum is when a child has an unplanned outburst of anger and frustration. Tantrums can be physical, verbal or both. Your child may act out, be disruptive and generally display unpleasant behaviors. Usually, they’re acting like this because they want or need something they can’t express with words. Tantrums are often disproportionate to the circumstances. In other words, children react very strongly to what is likely a mild situation. For example, you might tell your child to put away a toy or turn down their treat request. This may lead to thrashing, yelling and hitting. When should I worry about toddler tantrums?Tantrums are a normal part of your child’s development. They happen as a child learns to become more independent. Tantrums happen most frequently between ages 1 and 4, averaging up to one a day. They typically decrease when a child starts school. At this age, they’re talking more, so they can express their needs verbally. Tantrums usually last between two and 15 minutes. Violent tantrums that last longer than 15 minutes may be a sign of a more serious problem. If your child has lengthy, violent outbursts, talk to your healthcare provider. What causes kids’ temper tantrums?Causes of temper tantrums can include:
A big cause of toddler temper tantrums is the conflict they feel. They seek independence but still crave their parents’ attention. And they haven’t developed coping skills to deal with strong emotions or disappointments. They often lack the verbal skills to explain how they feel, so they lash out instead. If my child throws a tantrum, does that mean I’m a bad parent?A child’s temper tantrum is not a reflection of poor parenting. Tantrums happen because of a child’s personality and current situation. They’re a normal part of child development. What are the signs of a temper tantrum?During a temper tantrum, your kid may:
What should I do if my child throws a tantrum?Try these strategies during your child’s temper tantrum:
Also, try not to:
What should I do after the temper tantrum?Once the tantrum is over, you can engage your child in conversation about what happened. You can also discuss how they can stop tantrums from happening again. Try to:
How can I prevent a temper tantrum?You most likely won’t be able to create a tantrum-free environment. Tantrums are how children communicate. It’s a natural part of development. But you can take steps to reduce the frequency and severity of tantrums:
When should I talk to my provider about my toddler’s temper tantrums?Contact your child’s healthcare provider about temper tantrums if:
Your provider may ask you questions about the tantrums. These questions can help them figure out if the tantrums are typical or a cause for concern:
A note from Cleveland Clinic Temper tantrums are a normal, if frustrating, part of child development. Toddlers throw frequent tantrums, an average of one a day. Temper tantrums often happen because children want to be independent but still seek a parent’s attention. Young children also lack the verbal skills to express their feelings in words. When temper tantrums erupt, try to stay calm. Acknowledge your child’s emotions. When your child calms down, help them label those emotions and find a better way to react to disappointment. If your child has temper tantrums that last longer than 15 minutes or are very violent, talk to a healthcare provider. And if your child is older than 4 and still having frequent tantrums, it’s also a good idea to speak to your provider. Share Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Email Print Last reviewed by a Cleveland Clinic medical professional on 02/05/2021. References
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