How are relational messages usually expressed?

Content is the what of any message. It is the facts and figures, the ideas and opinions that we transmit through e-mails, conversations, memos, or notes on the bulletin board. It is anything that can be expressed in words.

Relational communication pertains to the who of any interaction. Though we may be unaware of it, every instance of content communication is surrounded by a field of relational communication that reveals the way parties view and are viewed by each other. It defines, in large part, the nature of the relationship between the two of them.

Three points about relational communication bear particular emphasis:

• Relational communication is a direct reflection of our below-the-line attitudes. Because we do not consciously shape relational communication, its messages spring unfiltered from our deepest personal thinking. Relational communication, then, provides a direct window into the below-the-line attitudes, values and beliefs we hold.
• We are communicating relationally 100 percent of the time. Content communication is largely a matter of conscious choice: we make a phone call or we don’t, we send an email or we don’t. Relational communication, however, is not a matter of choice. We are constantly broadcasting relational messages, whether we realize it or not. This means that our beliefs and values (as well as our biases and prejudices) are always leaking out to one degree or another.
• Relational messages are more important to us. Because relational messages are linked to how we are perceived and valued, our perception of what is being communicated relationally is always more important to us than content communication. And when the two conflict, we will always give more weight to the relational message (the brusque tone, the clenched jaw) than the content message (“no, I’m not upset”).

For leaders seeking to build outstanding human systems, it is imperative to remember that every interaction transmits not only surface-level information, but also deeper messages about the degree to which we respect, value, and appreciate others.

Every quick phone call, every offhand comment and conversation in the hallway, answers, for others, the question “how do you see and value me?” Over time these relational messages become as clear as any email or memo – and they exert enormous impact on interpersonal dynamics and, in turn, organizational performance.

Interpersonal communication includes two dimensions: the explicit content dimension and the relational dimension that conveys meaning tied to the affective state of the interlocutors and their relationship.

To summarize:

The content dimension corresponds to what is said or expressed.The relational dimension corresponds to the way it is said and above all, received.

The relational dimension of communication contains meanings that have as much weight and impact as the content of the message. These meanings are often expressed through non-verbal and para-verbal communication.

The essence of communication does not reside in the transfer of information from a transmitter to a receiver, but in the relational process and the results of the interaction.

Only taking the content dimension into account is like amputating the interaction from its essential meanings. «Communication» problems are rarely a simple misunderstanding about the content.

This outline can be a helpful study tool to assist you in seeing the order and sequence of the chapter and the relationship of ideas.  Use it to take notes as you read and/or to add concepts presented in lecture.

1. Communication fosters interpersonal relationships but there are influences affecting our choices.
   1. Appearance and complementary needs are factors in establishing closer relationships with others, as we tend to like people similar to us.
   2. We are attracted to people who like us and we appreciate competent people. Self-disclosure increases liking, as does proximity.
2. Dyadic communication is contextually interpersonal; but treating one another as unique individuals makes it qualitatively interpersonal.
   Scarcity of qualitatively interpersonal interactions contributes to their value.
   1. Relationships can be enhanced by mediated communication; but when personal face-to-face interaction commences, the majority of these relationships are terminated.
3. Virtually every verbal statement contains a content message and a relational message.
   1. Content focuses on the subject, while relational indicates feelings.
   2. Affinity, respect, immediacy, and control can affect relational messages by adding or subtracting dimensions.
   3. Metacommunication, the messages we send referring to other messages, involves analysis and should be used carefully.
   4. A developmental model of the rise and fall of relationships shows how these connections are formed and fall apart.
      1. Relationships commence with an initial stage and come together via experimenting, intensifying, integrating, and bonding.
      2. When the individuals involved seek to reestablish their separate identities, the process of differentiating is occurring. That can lead to circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and eventually terminating actions. Then the  relationship is over.
   5. Communicators seek important goals through all relationships in a dialectical model suggesting simultaneous dialectical tensions.
      1. Seeking involvement without sacrificing identity exemplifies the connection versus autonomy tension.
      2. Wanting stability without staleness reflects the predictability versus novelty tension.
      3. The desire for openness versus the need for privacy creates a tension.
      4. Managing the dialectical tensions presents challenges. Strategies include denial, disorientation, selection, alternation, segmentation, moderation, reframing, and reaffirmation.
   6. Our communication is affected by the conflicting drives for intimacy versus distance.
      1. Intimacy can be simply defined as closeness. Shared physical and intellectual activities and shared emotions are ways we use to get close to another person.
      2. Women are more willing than men to share their thoughts and feelings.
      3. Men grow close by doing things together.
      4. Collectivist and individualistic cultures vary in degrees of self-disclosure and personal familiarity.
   7. Self-disclosure is the process of deliberately revealing about oneself information that is significant and would not normally have been known by others.
      1. Social penetration models of self-disclosure involve breadth and depth.
      2. The Johari Window model represents self-awareness and the relational quality of knowledge about you from others.   
      3. Self-disclosure is influenced by culture, usually occurs in dyads, is usually symmetrical, occurs incrementally, and is relatively scarce.
   8. There are guidelines for the appropriate expression of self-disclosure.
      1. Is the other person important to you, and is the contemplated disclosure worth the risk?
      2. Is the amount and type appropriate and relevant to the situation?
      3. Will the self-disclosure be reciprocated, understood, and beneficial for both?
   9. Although honesty is desirable, we often are not completely truthful at times of discomfort.
      1. Altruistic lies are sometimes considered helpful.
      2. Equivocal language often is used to avoid unpleasantness.
      3. Hints are more direct but involve relational messages that can be missed.

How are the relational dimensions of messages usually expressed?

What is a relational message?

How are most relational level meanings communicated?